we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
