when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
