You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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