The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Mom said you looked used
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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