just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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