i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize