It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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