If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
