he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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