well I can't set my house on fire every night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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