After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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