Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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