I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
