if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I cockslap morals
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
