He passed out mid-signature
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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