Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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