Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
