he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
