Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
