im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Life is so much better after having sex.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
