omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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