i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
