i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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