Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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