this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
