Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
