erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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