I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
