Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
