What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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