you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
