You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
