i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
