I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
