That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
