M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
