I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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