Me too!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
