It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
