I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
