I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
