your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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