Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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