Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize