i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
