Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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