Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
