After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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