Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
