oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
