im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
