i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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