K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
