Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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