the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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