so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
