I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
