Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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