im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
