I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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