I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
