My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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