I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
