Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my liver is dry heaving
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
