Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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