Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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