I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
