She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
