im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
