i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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