Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
